Are you emotionally unavailable, exceptionally observant, and prone to solving life-threatening mysteries before breakfast? Do you own one truck and zero house keys? Have you ever healed someone else’s trauma while avoiding your own?
If yes — congratulations.
You might be Colter Shaw from CBS’s Tracker.
He’s the man who can find a lost person in the middle of a thunderstorm using only a broken stick and his sixth sense. And somehow, he’s still more emotionally distant than your ex.
Here are 10 signs you might secretly be America’s most rugged, emotionally complicated, part-time therapist, full-time tracker.
1. Your truck isn’t just transportation — it’s your bedroom, kitchen, office, and emotional bunker.
You haven’t stayed in a house since the Bush administration. You sleep in the back of your pickup, eat trail mix like it’s a food group, and avoid permanent mailing addresses the way other people avoid their ex’s Instagram stories.
2. You can identify a person’s psychological profile from their boot print.
Other people see a footprint.
You see: “Left in a hurry. Probably scared. Recently reconciled with their father. Likes sad music.”
You’re basically Sherlock Holmes if he majored in survivalism and unresolved trauma.
3. You’ve never seen a therapist, but you’ve accidentally become one.
You find missing people for money, sure. But somewhere between “Are there any recent clues?” and “Tell me about your relationship with your mother,” you’ve given more therapy than most licensed professionals.
4. People open up to you within 90 seconds of meeting you.
You walk into a diner, make intense eye contact, and suddenly a complete stranger is crying about their divorce and missing stepbrother. You didn’t even sit down. You just have that face. That vibe.
5. You haven’t cried in 10 years, but you’ve helped five strangers find closure in the past week.
Feelings? Never heard of them.
But you’ll gladly help someone else unpack 20 years of emotional pain while staring stoically into the distance.
6. When you walk into a forest, the forest gives you answers.
“Ah yes,” you whisper to yourself, crouching beside a rock. “They passed through here two hours ago. They were limping. They recently ate a granola bar.”
Everyone around you: ??
7. You avoid parties but will absolutely sneak through a crime scene for answers.
Social gatherings? Too loud.
Confronting armed criminals alone in the wilderness with nothing but a flashlight and trauma? Let’s do this.
8. You wear the same flannel shirt in every town and somehow still look iconic.
We don’t know how you do it.
Is it the lighting? The attitude? The quiet brooding? Whatever it is, we salute your one-shirt, all-weather commitment to fashion minimalism.
9. You say things like “I’m just here to help” right before destroying someone’s entire world with the truth.
You’re not confrontational — you’re just… devastatingly accurate. People ask for the truth, and you hand it to them with no sugar. And a stare that says, “I, too, know pain.”
10. Your emotional support system is your truck, a map, and the sound of a distant bird call.
Friends? You don’t have those.
Feelings? You track them, you don’t have them.
Comfort? That’s for after the case is closed.
So… Are You Colter Shaw?
If you’ve related to any of these signs — or all of them — you might be closer to Tracker’s main character than you think. You may not be solving crimes across the country, but if you’ve ever ghosted your family to go help strangers, you’re spiritually aligned.
And honestly?
The world needs more people like you. (Preferably with a good pair of boots and a strong moral compass.)
📺 Catch Tracker, starring Justin Hartley, every Sunday on CBS and streaming on Paramount+.
Warning: May cause sudden urges to live in a truck and fix other people’s problems.
