Dorothy Zbornak didn’t need words to silence her roommates on The Golden Girls.
She would simply raise one eyebrow and look hard at Rose and Blanche until they quieted down. If that didn’t work, though, Dorothy had an arsenal of acid-dipped one-liners at her disposal that she would whip out whenever necessary to shut down Rose or Blanche when they grated on her last nerve—which was often, over the course of the show’s seven seasons on the air.Played to perfection by Bea Arthur (rumor has it the casting director always envisioned a “Bea Arthur-type” actress for the part), Dorothy got some of the best lines on the whip-smart show. Arthur’s brilliantly dead-pan delivery heightened the laughs, while her brilliant facial expressions served up the knock-out punch. Rose and Blanche certainly got in a few digs of their own, but the only person who could match Dorothy in the one-liner department was her own mother. Who knew a knack for zingers could be a family trait?Dorothy’s biting way with words may have been genetic, but we can all try to emulate it in real life, if we dare—or we can simply practice raising an eyebrow.
01
of 22
When she “gently” tells Rose what’s best for her
Dorothy Golden Girls pray for brains
Dorothy to Rose: “Go to sleep sweetheart, pray for brains.”
02
of 22
When she knows Blanche too well
Dorothy Golden Girls blanche dress
Blanche: “What do you think of my new dress? Is it me?”
Sophia: “It’s too tight, it’s too short, and it shows too much cleavage for a woman your age.”
Dorothy: “Yes, Blanche. It’s you.”
03
of 22
This accurate advice
Dorothy Golden Girls bed museum
Blanche: “Dorothy, what do you think I oughta do with my bed?”
Dorothy: “Put it in the Smithsonian, Blanche. Its got more miles on it than the Spirit of St. Louis!”
04
of 22
When she reminds Blanche about that time…
Dorothy Golden Girls blanche humiliation
Blanche: ”
I’ve never been so humiliated in my life.” Dorothy: “What about the time you lost the key to your handcuffs and had to go with that guy on his mail route?”
05
of 22
When she makes us think “bless your heart, Rose”
Dorothy Golden Girls blanche’s sister
Blanche: ”
You are not gonna believe this. My sister, Charmaine, just called me.” Dorothy: “I didn’t think the two of you were speaking.”Blanche: “Well, we’re not.”Rose: “Then how’d you know it was her on the other end of the line?”Dorothy: “Rose, you’re bringing down the curve for the whole country.”
06
of 22
When she understands the irresistible power of dessert
Dorothy Golden Girls cookies
Rose: ”
Oh, my goodness. Look what I found. Double-fudge cookies. I thought we agreed not to keep cookies in the house.” Blanche: “Right, after this last box.”Rose: “You’re not going to eat them, are you?”Dorothy: “No, Rose. We’re going to go to some dumb country and try to use them as money.”
07
of 22
This interesting idea
Dorothy Golden Girls dog track
Sophia: ”
The fancy man and I are going to the dog track.” Blanche to Dorothy: “Your mother bets?”Dorothy: “No, she rides. She’s a dog jockey.”
08
of 22
When she really makes you think
Dorothy Golden Girls ice cream
Rose:
“Where are you going?” Dorothy: “To get ice cream. Or commit a felony. I’ll decide in the car.”
09
of 22
When she confronts a paradox
Dorothy Golden Girls clayton
Blanche: “I don’t really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don’t like him dating men.”
Dorothy: “You really haven’t grasped the concept of this “gay thing” yet, have you, Blanche?”
10
of 22
When she puts coffee first
Dorothy Golden Girls coffee first
Dorothy to Blanche and Rose: “If I had that money I could have moved into a swinging condo instead of living with—I better not say anything until I’ve had my coffee [sips coffee]—a slut and a moron!”
11
of 22
This incredibly comforting response
Dorothy Golden Girls severe weather alert
Rose: ”
You won’t believe the horrible thing I just heard on the radio!” Dorothy: “Oh, Rose, we go through this every time. This is merely a test. In the event of an actual emergency-”
12
of 22
When she calls Blanche out
Dorothy Golden Girls back date
Blanche: “I can’t believe you said that! Oh, if I weren’t a lady I’d deck you.”
Dorothy: “You try and I’ll have you on your back so fast you’ll think you’re out on a date.”
13
of 22
And when she calls Blanche out, again
Dorothy Golden Girls man’s best friend
[Blanche running after a dog]
Dorothy: “Ha! Would you look at that: man’s best friend, chasing man’s best friend!”
14
of 22
When she lands a man
Dorothy Golden Girls venus fly trap
Dorothy:
“I have a date” Blanche: “With a man?”Dorothy: “No, Blanche. With a Venus Fly Trap.”
15
of 22
When she sticks with the truth
Dorothy Golden Girls on age
Blanche: “Now, only women in there twenties and thirties have babies, whatever is a woman in her forties to do?”
Dorothy: “I don’t know, why don’t we find one and ask?”
16
of 22
When she refuses to use a euphemism
Dorothy
Golden Girls blanche flirting
GETTY
Blanche: “I’m from the South. Flirting is part of my heritage.”
Rose: “What does that mean?”
Dorothy: “Her mother was a slut, too.”
17
of 22
When she calls out Blanche, again (we’re sensing a pattern)
Dorothy Golden Girls blanche gets angry
GETTY
Blanche: “I won’t stand for this!”[she gets up and starts to walk out]
Sophia: “Take it, Dorothy!”
Dorothy: “But I bet you’ll lie down for it.”
18
of 22
This accurate clarification
Dorothy Golden Girls rose smart
Rose:
“I am the smartest woman in the whole world!” Dorothy: “You’re right, Rose, you are the smartest woman in the world: Burger World.”
19
of 22
This perfect example of sarcasm
Dorothy Golden Girls mink stole
Blanche: “Dorothy, can I borrow your mink stole?”
Dorothy: “It’s Miami in June —only cats are wearing fur!”
Rose: “Are you going out?”
Dorothy: “No, she’s going to sit here where its 112 degrees and eat enchiladas.”
20
of 22
This interesting promise
Dorothy Golden Girls silent treatment
Rose: “Blanche, you should make us eat dirt, make us grovel, give us the silent treatment…”
Dorothy: “Rose, if you give us the silent treatment, I will eat dirt.”
21
of 22
When she refuses to answer obvious questions
Dorothy Golden Girls obvious questions
Rose: “Cooking, Dorothy?”
Dorothy: “No, Rose, I’m developing pictures for the Magellan Space Program.”
22
of 22
When she keeps Blanche grounded
Dorothy Golden Girls keeps blanche grounded
Blanche: “This is strictly off the record, but Dirk is nearly five years younger than I am.”
Dorothy: “In what, Blanche, dog years?”
