1. They were doing matching tops and bottoms decades before the rest of us. Dorothy really knows how to dress up a casual gray sweatsuit, doesn’t she?
2. They are firm believers that there is no such thing as too much leg (even when performing in a children’s theater production of Chicken Little). Look at those drumsticks!
3. They prove time and time again that anything can be sexy with the right attitude. Also, the whole bowling uniform thing is totally in right now.
4. The best dressed Hollywood stars are totally scamming their looks. Who wore it better? Blanche. Blanche forever. Good effort, though, Jessica. Maybe next time. But probably not.
5. They cook in satin nightclothes. There really is no task that can’t be improved by the addition of luxury textiles. Spitting grease be damned!
6. When it comes to stylish layering, they are masters of the highest order. It takes true skill to wear that much clothing in the South Florida heat without even breaking a sweat.
7. They can pull off double entendre-laden graphic T’s better than any frat boy. Who needs storm windows when you’ve got a shirt like that to ride out the storm?
8. There is literally no place they will not wear sparkles. All that shimmer gives the illusion you are moving more and working harder than you actually are. It’s called the “dazzle and deflect” technique and it’s perfect for those times when you find yourself in over your head at a particularly strenuous workout class.
9. They dress up to pick out an outfit to get dressed up in. It’s so important to set the tone for the night early on. Whatever happened to bedroom heels?
10. They make lace frills and pantyhose look tough as nails. Dorothy ain’t no fool. She knows your first day in the slammer you have to find the toughest mutha’ in that joint and throw down. (How fabulous are those bad girls’ outfits, though? I mean, really! It’s like, “Katy Perry, eat your heart out!” And don’t you just love how everyone has almost exactly the same haircut? It’s just too good. I need to sit down.)
11. They were early adopters of the whole cuffed boyfriend jeans thing. Open up those life vests, slap on some novelty heels, and you’re looking at fashion-week-street-style-photo gold guaranteed
12. Even at their ages they still date more than you do. Blanche Devereaux makes Samantha Jones look like a shut-in.
13. They make “professional” totally fabulous! Thanks to those fierce shoulder pads, Blanche’s fuchsia blazer is totally CFO/boardroom bitch-chic!
14. Their evening-dressing game is always on point. Young Hollywood could learn a thing or two from Dorothy and Blanche. How much would you die to see Lupita Nyong’o in that teal burnout velvet tuxedo? Open shirt, bowtie just sort of hanging off to the side, a pair of fierce black stiletto slingbacks with pointy toes peeking out the front. I think I just blacked out.
15. They’re not afraid to play with bold proportions. Dorothy is like 7 feet 11 inches tall, but she loves herself some football pads and an oversize top. She knows a good drape can be a powerful illusionary tool.
16. They would never let panty lines come between them and a ***flawless outfit. Even so, you just know Blanche has never met a subway air vent she didn’t like. God, she’s perfect!
17. They prove that gold lamé is universally fabulous and truly ageless. Don’t you just love how they always commit to a color story and then build their outfits around texture and volume? So smart.
18. They are model bridesmaids. They accept the horror that is bridesmaids dresses and they bear it with dignity.
19. They make lying around the house in your robe look gooooood. Between the four of them they probably have more nightgowns, robes, and lingerie than the Victoria’s Secret flagship store in Times Square. And for god’s sake! Even their robes have shoulder pads. Cultivating a look really is all about the details.
20. They know that a strong statement needs a strong statement sweater (and matching lipstick). Looking good and doing good are not mutually exclusive.
21. They’ve really got their priorities straight. A good puppy snuggle is well worth getting dog hair all over your best red knit jumpsuit.
22. Sophia proves that if you dress sweetly enough, you can get away with saying literally ANYTHING. When I get old, I’m totally pulling a Sophia, telling people I had a stroke and can no longer control what comes out of my mouth.
23. They show that you are never too old to wear a neckline cut down to your navel. Boob tape and illusion lace for everyone!
24. They inspire the world’s most amazing fan art. Honey, the Louvre called. They want your thighs!
25. They don’t take shit from no man. They know that the best way to haunt a man, to really make him suffer, is to look amazing and then slam the door in his face before he can utter a single word.
