Many of us have nightmares about suddenly finding ourselves on a stage and having to perform in front of an audience, a nightmare that becomes reality for many actors who not only yearn for this challenge but somehow thrive in this setting. It’s something that even struck down acclaimed and weathered actor John Goodman.
Countless A-list actors have started their careers in off-Broadway plays and productions, whether it be Morgan Freeman, Daniel Craig or Viola Davis, with many of them discussing the differences between performing on the stage and screen and some expressing clear allegiance to one medium over the other.
Over the years, it has evolved as a way for screen actors to prove their talent and versatility by unexpectedly moving to the stage, whether it be Nicole Kidman in The Blue Room, Michael Cera in The Waverly Gallery or Tom Holland in Romeo and Juliet. But while it is a welcome challenge for some, it is an impossibly intimidating task for others, with none other than Goodman describing his sheer panic at accepting a role on the stage.
Goodman has had a truly eclectic career, starring in a range of productions that span from animations to dark comedies and thrillers. Whether it be his voicing of Sullivan, the loveable rogue in Monsters Inc or his portrayal of Charlie Meadows in Barton Fink, the actor has found a unique place for himself in Hollywood through his lifelong collaborative relationship with the Coen Brothers, starring in cult classic films such as The Big Lebowski, Inside Llewyn Davis and O Brother, Where Are Thou?
But while he is a true force of nature on the screen, often playing characters that you wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of, the actor found himself being struck by crippling nerves and anxiety at the beginning of his career when starring in a stage production of Big River, an adaptation of Mark Twain’s novel The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
After booking the role in 1985, Goodman found many of his personal demons coming to the surface as he took to the stage, describing how he had intense panic attacks during the week before the production began. When discussing the first performance, he said he was “…absolutely disenchanted, paralysed. I couldn’t remember my first line. I was just sweating and I was about to say: ‘I’m sorry, folks. I can’t.’ And I opened my mouth and my first line came out and it [the panic] was gone… I don’t know where it came from. Why am I talking about this? This cannot happen again.”
Goodman has often shared his struggles with depression, linking both his performance anxiety and depression and describing his “general dissatisfaction” with everything, saying, “I don’t want to do anything. Nothing seems right. I have to be doing something else, but I don’t want to do anything else.”
While Goodman was able to switch into the rhythm of performing on stage after the initial panic was over, acting in front of a live audience is an undeniably terrifying feat that will always be slightly intimidating, even to those who have complete control over their nerves and no traces of anxiety. But while his nerves seemed impossible to overcome, he was able to do so and deliver a series of performances that sparked his career and marked him on the path to greatness.
