It’s funny. When I watched the hit sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond in the late ’90s and early ’00s, little did I know at the time that I was actually watching my future self.
Back then — you know, mostly last century — I was neither married, nor was I a mom. When I watched the awards-season favorite, starring Ray Romano as the titular sportswriter dad and Patricia Heaton as his long-suffering wife, Debra, I was a happy-go-lucky, not-a-care-in-the-world (OK, exaggerating somewhat) childless semi-adult who just thought they were a funny couple who yelled a lot and had family that was constantly all up in their biz.
After I changed the channel, walked out of the room, or just averted my eyes, their struggles (and the hilarity that ensued) was just a chuckle-worthy memory that stayed behind in TV land. It wasn’t my life — those problems weren’t mine to solve.
Kids didn’t clean their room? Husband doesn’t listen? Sure, annoying, but is yelling really necessary, Debra?
Fast-forward to now, as the mother of a 14-year-old daughter and an 8-year-old son, and I find myself relating to Debra in a whole new way. Now I’m joining her by raising my voice because, yes, everybody DID love Raymond! And that’s so not fair!
The pitfalls of good cop/bad cop parenting
Like many moms, including Debra, I find myself falling into familiar patterns when it comes to parenting. I’ll be honest. Between their dad and me, I’m the disciplinarian, the one who makes sure their homework and chores are done, and I’m not afraid to throw down a consequence or two.
Watched YouTube instead of paying attention during remote learning? Say goodbye to the iPad. Left your room littered with little filth mountains of dirty clothes? Put down your phone until clean-up is done. Like, done done.
Their dad, on the other hand, like Ray, is the “fun” dad. In fact, I’m not sure he even noticed the filth mountains!
Talk to moms about mom stuff. And make money doing it.
‘The Disciplinarian’ episode, aka I am Debra
So when I saw The Disciplinarian episode of Raymond, in which Debra puts her foot down about her twins boys cleaning their room while Ray is OK with them going outside and doing it later, it was like looking into a mirror — albeit one with way better lighting.
Luckily, I had the chance to discuss this fantastic episode and series with Everybody Loves Raymond’s creator, Phil Rosenthal, as well as the star mom herself, Patricia Heaton, for our new podcast, America’s Moms — all about the influential TV moms we adore. And not only are Rosenthal and Heaton two creative superstars, they’re also parents — and totally get it.
In the podcast, I also chatted with Dr. Hillary Goldsher, a clinical psychologist based in Beverly Hills, California. Believe me when I say I asked her all the things about parenting dynamics when one parent is all business and the other parent is all fun. She offered great tips, which can help parents get on the same page — and maybe, just maybe, cut down on all that yelling.
