Hey everybody, it’s Kandi, and I want to keep it real about something I know you see a lot on reality television, especially on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.
I constantly see comments like: “Why is Kandi standing by Kenya when she’s clearly wrong?” or “Kandi isn’t being honest with her friend when she doesn’t publicly condemn her actions.” I’ve read all of it. But listen, y’all, I want to share with you the core philosophy that has helped me maintain my friendships for all these years: You correct your friends privately, but you defend them when the world is watching.
This is a life principle I apply to every relationship I have, not just with Kenya, but with my whole squad. I truly believe that when you criticize your friend publicly, you are doing two things wrong. First, you are handing out free ammunition to their enemies. Those people don’t need any more fuel; they just want to see a crack so they can launch an attack. As a friend, that is not my job.
Second, and more importantly: public criticism breaks trust. It turns honesty into a performance. If I see my girl Kenya do something I don’t agree with—maybe she said too much, or she had an over-the-top reaction—I absolutely call her out. I will check her. But I do that behind the scenes.
I’ll text her or call her after we wrap filming: “Look, girl, I gotta tell you. I love you, but that thing you just did was wrong. You need to apologize/fix that/rethink that.” Keeping it real with your friends is one of the biggest acts of love. If you’re not willing to let them know when they’re straying, you aren’t a true friend. And because I respect them, I’m not going to humiliate them in public. That correction is about making them better, not about making me look better on TV.
However, when we step out into the public eye, or when those cameras are rolling, I’m going to stand beside her. I’m going to be her shield. Why? Because I know that out there, there are hundreds of people trying to pick apart her flaws. I am not obligated to help them do it. My loyalty is to my team. If Kenya makes a mistake, we handle it internally. I’m never going to let the outside world see the division between us.
I know this sometimes gets me flak from viewers. They say I’m blind. But for me, I’m maintaining a high standard of friendship integrity. The honesty part was already done before the public confrontation. The public defense is simply a demonstration of unwavering loyalty.
My friendships are not a reality TV plot device meant solely for viewer satisfaction. They are a circle of trust.
So, if you’re struggling with your own friendships, remember this rule. Be the most honest person in their life when no one else is around. Tell them when they are wrong, when no other eyes or ears can witness it. But when the world is judging them, be the one person standing next to them, holding them up. That’s not being fake; that’s unconditional loyalty. And for this Kandi, that’s all that matters.
