Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 9 brings a group of 90s supermodels (the titular “Glamazons”) back together for a reunion that ends, as one might predict for this series, in murder. Unfortunately, despite Jaime Pressly in a guest spot that just…works — going on the record and saying I support Tiff’s rights and wrongs while we’re at it here — the hour fails to fit the theme. As in, it’s not pretty. The unhealthy, often disordered, eating habits that models stereotypically engage in to meet impossible beauty standards are the butt of multiple jokes. Most of these come at the expense of and/or from Nadine Clay (a returning Laura Benanti), and they simply don’t land.
It’s expected — welcome, even — that a series like this one, which thrives in satire, would poke fun and include wildly exaggerated characters. In fact, we see them all the time and enjoy them. But, somehow, “Glamazons” manages to cross the line between poking fun at stereotypes…and something else. It’s like instead of a roast, where everyone should be having a good time, we’re just making fun.
Murder victim Madison Fortune’s event “all about healing, about inclusivity, about showing the world how far models have come from the wicked 90s” is all PR move and no substance. That, at least, is on point. Depressingly so. We’ve made progress in a lot of areas since then, but far too much of that progress is too performative, too fragile, and already too failed. That’s not true of modeling only, but certainly, that world’s as hypocritical and allergic to change as any. Perhaps a TV series isn’t the best place to explore that particular problem, considering. Especially not if we’re going to go all male gazey on a woman-dominated industry.
Toward the end of the hour, Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 9 actually goes somewhere more appropriate for this show as Captain Wagner, Elsbeth, and Detective Fleming go to Officer Hackett’s first featured set. For one thing, she’s actually funny, and she’s even concerned about how the butt of those jokes (her coworkers) feel about them. Forget Grace’s stand-up itself, though. Because even if we were sitting here like “girl, where are the jokes,” getting to see Wagner in that audience looking like a proud dad, Fleming just living his best life, and the general feeling of all of these people becoming a weird, little family would be worth it. These people show up for each other. That’s a good thing — especially since Elsbeth’s best friend (Kaya, obviously) is who knows where.
If only the rest of this hour had that same heart.
More Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 9 reactions
“The meanest of the mean girls preaching inclusivity and sisterhood — that’s hilarious.” You now when someone’s whole brand is “sisterhood” or whatever, their moral compass probably…doesn’t actually point that way.
So, this lady was a criminal mastermind who got away with a violent attack all these years…but also stupid enough to not make sure her original story was straight before coming to try to lure Tiff back to New York. Ok then.
Sorry. Can’t hear RuPaul’s “Cover Girl” without demanding to see her…or, perhaps, one of many international Drag Race franchise hosts.
“Oh. No makeup. We shoot as we are.” AN ICON AND A LEGEND. (…and not at all what you’d expect after hearing “Cover Girl.”)
Is this accent for real? Are any of them? Why are we making fun of ADHD/putting it on the “charity” level of the Sudanese genocide, somehow?
“…the world’s first carbon-negative vodka, sustainably produced from unwanted baked goods, discarded banana peels, and ugly vegetables that would otherwise be put in a landfill.”
“Why does it matter, Julian.” This bored AF delivery is a mood.
“She was pretty easy to fool.” “Yeah. She thought the best of people. Til she couldn’t.” Relatable.
“Don’t wobble.” Cold AF.
“Is this another very attractive basketball team?” Oh, Elsbeth, never change. (And nice callback to the totally-not-Belichik episode!)
“…and I wept when my pet Tamagotchi died.” Yes, but did you have a creepy AF Furby?
“Glamazons were bigger than Beanie Babies.” Wild if true.
“Somehow, seeing them here is even worse for my self esteem.” Brilliant work from Lindsay Mendez here. Superb delivery, and the way she plays up that grimace after Elsbeth reminds Grace they can solve crimes? *chef’s kiss*
…but does no one understand “stunning” women can also be smart and solve crimes? Because let me tell you about the likes of Olivia Benson, Ayanna Bell, Kate Beckett, Gale Weathers — especially her Scream 2 look with that red streak in her very dark bob…
“Even politically-aware models seem to party really hard.” “Call them what you will, models are still models. And vodka is still vodka.” I have so many questions about some of these jokes. Seriously. I think “but why, though” is somewhere near the top of that list.
“…gets paid by the party planners to bring the girls and make the introductions.” “It sounds like the models are put in some pretty tricky situations.” Ya think. Like, this isn’t a thing to gloss over and try to make a funny out of, particularly with a certain very prominent story in the news these days.
“I was a 17-year-old girl from Moldova. Who was I to ask questions?” No, seriously. Go right over to the Manhattan Special Victims Unit.
“I mean, how could she pretend that she’s this evolved, independent woman when she’s hiding her own abuse?” Ok, but…are we going to do this to victims, on top of all the ick toward the models, or. What if we didn’t blame and shame victims? (Yes, even if that story was probably a lie anyway.)
Pressly’s awesome here, though. See also: “Not hard to connect those dots” and the motion on the table before she leans back and is all, “you’re welcome.”
“Well, I, for one, won’t shed a tear when we lock this dude up.” Same.
Elsbeth is so happy for Grace.
“The statute of limitations has been over longer than Zima.” But what about Crystal Pepsi?
“…the Tonya Harding thing was on the TV? And we kind of got inspired.” I feel like the timeline doesn’t work here. Not just the Tonya stuff but, like, overall. Could’ve sworn Julian said something about a 25-year anniversary at the beginning, yet Tonya/Nancy was ahead of Lillehammer ’94.
Also, literally no one should ever get “inspired” by what happened there. You don’t win. Just ask Tonya and her boot.
“…but Tiff fell on her Discman, and her Jewel CD popped out and wound up cutting her face. And she got knocked out. It was really scary.” I’m loving all the references to my youth in this episode, but again with the math not mathing. Pieces of You didn’t debut until 1995. Why would Tonya and Nancy be on TV at a bar in 95 (or, worse, around 2000/actual 25 years ago)???
“And Nadine is an excellent coach. I never would have been able to clomp like a donkey without her.” And then, of course, Carrie Preston clomps.
“Yeah, 25 years ago. When she also drank 14 Diet Cokes a day and lived off candy bars.” Ok. So, there’s 25 again…
“Oh, you’re one of those women, aren’t you?” “What women?” “The kind that have hated on me my whole life. Just jealous, trying to tear me down.” “That’s not true. I always try to lift people up.” (And she does, in fact, make a “lift people up” motion with her arms. Adorable, even while she’s totally wounded/offended by this.) “Yet, you’re believing a man over me right now. A man who’s obviously guilty, a man with a history of exploiting women.” Love how Pressly and Preston play this interaction, hate how that’s two episodes in a row where someone’s, basically…disingenuously tried to use feminism as a defense of sorts and attacked poor, sweet Elsbeth in the process.
There’s such an interesting dynamic between them, and I love that very cool, self-assured, sardonic way Pressly handles herself as Tiff. But also: What are we doing here?
“I’m sorry that my beauty is the more societally-accepted standard.” Did…did nobody consider the optics of this white girl saying that to a Black woman?
“…and now it’s a whole respectful talkathon. I miss the days when we used to scream, pull each other’s hair, and smash things until the cops were called.” …….
“Yes. Men would do anything for models. It is so sweet. And sad.”
She is correct. We don’t use “pilfered” enough.
Tag yourself: I’m Wagner’s “never mind, I don’t care” when Elsbeth starts talking about the “Leo latch.”
“Yeah. That’s what I thought. You cops — you’re useless. Always were.” I mean…
No but seriously, I could rewatch this comedy set over and over and over and over and over…
Mendez is so good!
I mean, um…Hackett is so good. Great crowd interaction, great clocking Wagner’s big, booming laugh and spotting him in the crowd, great improv, great voice on “turn and avoid.” THE BEST.
Poor Elsbeth didn’t get a joke. PROTECT HER.
Whew, that defiant look over Tiff’s shoulder as they handcuff her. And Elsbeth’s strut!
“This work is intense. We see most people on their worst days. It’s important to have an outlet. I wanted to support that.”
I love this little get-together back at the precinct. It’s so weirdly out of place in an episode that’s mostly…not a favorite, but it’s also just…good. So much heart, such sweet insecurity from both Mendez and Preston, even though their characters’ insecurities are so very different.
And can we talk about how well Wendell Pierce does the proud papa/leader/pillar of strength/rock of it all?
“Twinsies again! Sooooo cute!” They are.
Lovely of Elsbeth to hesitate over knocking and, ultimately, let Wagner have his private moment with his trombone, too. It would’ve interrupted something special for him and made him feel exposed in a way he doesn’t deserve.
Also: Wendell Pierce, trombone, jazz…checks out. Nice nod there.
But the model stuff. Why.
Agree? Disagree? What did you think of Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 9 “Glamazons”? Leave us a comment!
New episodes of Elsbeth air Thursdays at 10/9c on CBS.
