Well, folks, it happened. Mel has finally displayed some eccentricity that makes him seem relatable and a little quirky in the way that most of our dads are. After an entire season of Mel repeating a woman’s words back to her as if they were his own original thoughts, he has exhibited a behavior that is so uniquely his own that I feel like I’m ready to finally accept him into my heart.
Mel does not fuck with stingrays.
Mel does not fuck with stingrays in such a profound way that I felt the spirit of an old Black dad who never forgave stingrays for what they did to Steve Irwin. Tonight, Mel’s behavior was that of a man with such a distrust of strange animals, but he contains enough grace to give them the space to flourish. It all unfurled in front of me, much like the slimy and supple wing of a stingray. I cackled at Mel’s misunderstanding of the size of a stingray. “I thought they were the size of a dinner plate.” Is it possible that Mel thought they were swimming with Dover soles? When the friendliest stingray guide said to Mel, “This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, buddy,” and Mel said, “I can imagine,” I realized I’d been waiting so long for Mel to reveal some personality that this tiny moment of old Black dad skepticism fed a part of me that had been starving. Dear readers, I became a gangly Jacob Elordi Frankenstein monster experiencing kindness for the first time. “Mel …!”
Then Mel had the most baffling dinner date with Cindy where he absolutely refused to commit to anything, and I fear we’re back where we started. Let’s get into it.
I could definitely walk you through this episode (and to some degree, I will), but I’d much rather devote a little time to the thing that seems to be the stumbling block for this whole season: I don’t think Mel really wants to get married again.
Him telling Cindy that he could have gotten married after six months with someone and then gotten divorced after five years, and done that a few times, seemed like he was really bristling at the idea of him being a guy who could have been on his second or third wife. It would be beneficial to meet some of the Golden Bach’s friends and see where they are in their lives. Maybe Mel runs with a crew of people still on their first marriages, and showing up with a second wife would be odd, because he really doesn’t seem like he wants to get married again. Even with Peg, he’s not teeing up their potential engagement. With Jesse, he’s mostly stunned that this all has gone this far. In an old French farce, Mel would be a character who accidentally answered to the king’s name once and is now being forced to marry a princess from a far-off land to secure a strategic alliance. “This is all a big misunderstanding! If someone would just check my birthmark, you’d see I’m not the king!” Sorry, Mel, Princess Wallenda of Zollern arrives in a carriage this afternoon!
I think everyone would breathe a little easier if a proposal were taken out of the equation. Peg and/or Cindy would probably be able to walk away from this experience with a little more dignity if they weren’t trying to drag Mel into expressing his feelings. If marriage were off the table, any unfortunate breakups down the line wouldn’t be so intense. It would probably also reduce the risk of anyone writing a juicy tell-all about The Golden Bachelor.
Mel wants to do the “Love is a heavy, important word” thing, but he isn’t telling anyone else that. Bachelors and Bachelorettes who have done that got the best results when they let their contestants know that’s the plan. We all know that saying “I love you” to everyone is a mess, but withholding any feeling beyond “I really like you” is another unique type of mess. So maybe for this season, they needed to take the pressure off and not promise an engagement. Maybe Cindy would have left the season earlier because that’s what she’s looking for. Maybe someone like Nicolle would have stuck around longer because she is definitely a princess looking for a strategic alliance. Maybe Mel would have chilled the fuck out and let someone in a little sooner. Because if the looming threat of marriage isn’t the issue, at this point, I don’t know what Mel’s deal is.
To talk about this episode more directly, it seems like part of his deal is … he’s into Peg. The closest thing he says to “love” the whole episode is he’s “all in” on Peg. I would hope so at this point! He’s telling her he missed her first. He’s laughs a lot more with Peg. They go riding up the mountains in Antigua and he says she’s perfect for him. Her curly-hair, sweat-on-her-face natural beauty. She’s full of joy, and life and is tough. We don’t really know anything about Mel’s ex-wife, but his attraction to Peg feels a bit like Let me try having fun for the first time in my life.
Peg immediately clocks when they end up on the mountaintop that Mel deflects serious questions, and she wants to know if he’s emotionally available. He doesn’t even need to be ready to get married, he just needs to be able to identify a feeling and share it with her! On the evening portion of their date, she says she’s self-sufficient and if they got married, he’d have to sign a prenup. They both are excited to explore their relationship further, and Mel is able to point out things about Peg and the way Peg makes him feel. He says she also gives him the opportunity to express his feelings. I’ll take it! So does Peg, and she picks up a lantern to read the Fantasy Suite date card. Peg says, “If this room is a-rockin’, we’re having sex!”
The next morning, both of them are relaxed. They compared their backstories and keep repeating that they’ve had similar experiences. Maybe one day, we’ll get to hear about their lives. We can dream! Peg feels reassured that Mel can be emotionally vulnerable, but they’re taking it one step at a time.
I’m really confused about Mel’s date with Cindy because he’s attracted to her and finds her calming and he’s called her elegant more than once. He also says he feels hopeful about a future with her. But by the end of the day, he’s acting strange. On a regular season of The Bachelor, the lead is a bit better at hiding when they’re just not interested. Or they’re purposefully telling the woman they’re going to pick to just “be patient,” so they’re not overly affectionate and give away the ending. Mel is doing a Weird Third Thing. It’s also entirely possible that he no longer trusts Cindy because she didn’t take his concerns about the Rays seriously. Nothing about those invertebrates were cute, Cindy.
Also — can we pause for a moment and appreciate that Mel’s two women are named Cindy and Peg? Two names of yore. Two incredibly “Betty and Veronica”–ass names. And Peg is such a Peg, and my God, Cindy is such a Cindy. I hope the final two on the next season of The Golden Bachelor are Helen and Gertrude.
Anyway, the episode ends with Cindy asking Mel if he’s ready for a leap of faith, because that’s what a proposal is, and Mel going, “That’s not how my life operates.” Cool. (It actually ends on a cliffhanger with Cindy asking Mel if there’s any will to motivate the way forward!) See you next week for the EXPLOSIVE finale!
