When I was sixteen and still had a television, I stumbled upon *Family Matters* one Saturday afternoon. Nostalgically thinking, “Let’s revisit some black TV nostalgia,” I was quickly disappointed. Not only did the show fail to live up to my memories of humor, but Steve Urkel came across as disturbingly creepy.
At the time, I lacked the vocabulary to articulate my discomfort, but as an adult, I now see that Urkel’s behavior exemplifies the “geek misogyny” discussed by Pop Culture Detective in his analysis of *The Big Bang Theory*. Urkel’s relentless pursuit of Laura Winslow throughout the series is played for comedic effect, but it now serves as a stark reminder of how our understanding of harassment has evolved. A commenter, Alias Jones, highlighted this issue in a discussion about Aziz Ansari, which reignited my interest in addressing it—thanks, Alias Jones.
Steve’s Harassment of Laura
Steve has supposedly been infatuated with Laura since kindergarten. The idea of such intense, one-sided devotion from such a young age is hard to fathom, but maybe that’s just me being a skeptic. Throughout the series, Steve persistently attempts to wear Laura down into a romantic relationship, starting when they are quite young.
In one episode, they are forced to pretend to be a married couple, and Steve continually pressures Laura for a kiss. When Laura finally snaps, she is portrayed as the villain, while Steve’s unrequited love is depicted as pitiable. This framing overlooks the fact that Laura has been enduring this behavior from Steve since their childhood.
Laura is unfairly cast as the antagonist for rejecting an $800 ring Steve gave her, believing that playing “husband” would lead to romance. Steve’s actions, often escalating to uncomfortable levels, are trivialized as expressions of teenage romance. The soft music and Steve’s monologue about loving Laura like wanting to touch a star are meant to be endearing but come off as disturbing since Laura repeatedly says no. Despite her clear rejections over several seasons, they end up engaged, with Steve’s behavior being seen as humorous rather than problematic.
Myra Monkhouse
In Season Four, Steve’s love interest is Myra Monkhouse, a smart and nerdy girl who appreciates Steve for who he is. However, Steve becomes disillusioned with Myra because she is “too possessive.” Ironically, Steve—who has stalked Laura since kindergarten and even created a machine to become attractive for her—is not labeled as possessive. Instead, Myra is unfairly labeled as the “sick puppy.”
What’s more troubling is that Myra’s genuine affection for Steve is depicted as a flaw. Although Myra’s character does have some problematic traits, her insecurities about Steve and Laura are dismissed, despite Steve’s ongoing feelings for Laura and his manipulation of Myra.
The narrative of nerds pursuing the “cool girl” often portrays the “cool girl” as uninterested and the nerd as persistently trying to “break her down.” Yet when a woman who is equally attractive and interested in Steve comes along, he rejects her for exhibiting similar behaviors to those he displays towards Laura. This hypocrisy undermines Myra’s character and portrays her as an unstable substitute for Laura, rather than a legitimate love interest.
