All In The Family: 15 Best Archie Bunker Quotes
The term “lovable bigot” might seem a tad counterproductive, but there is perhaps no better title for Hauser Street’s own Archie Bunker. Before TV executives cracked down on content, there was no telling what this man was liable to say. Though most of his dialogue has aged poorly with the cultural shifts, there are still some nuggets of Bunker wisdom that are absolutely hysterical.
Archie was a gold mine of hyperboles, misspeakings, and buckets of malapropisms that make up his twisted sense of humor. He’s the crotchety old guy everyone knows, and his aptitude for zingers, one-liners, and turns of phrase is, for lack of a better word, remarkable.
Updated on October 4th, 2021 by Zach Gass: Despite his blatant ignorance, frequent faux pas, and all-around brutal butchering of the English language, he remains one of the absolute funniest family members from a ’70s sitcom, even with his less-than-likable reputation. But behind his twisted sense of humor, there also lies an element of wisdom and truth that still radiates over the airwaves today. While they might require some more modern translating and a different set of eyes, Archie was loaded to the brim of his porkpie hat with a mix of witticisms that both have audiences laughing and pondering decades later. As the saying goes, an old classic never goes out of style.
“Somebody’s Gotta Be Dead, That’s Life”
Archie isn’t what many would consider a scholar of life, but there’s something incredibly philosophical about this little gem. It might be a little crude and abrasive, but there’s no denying that there’s some truth to his statement. He might not be Mufasa, but there’s something very “Circle of Life” going on here.
The humor comes from this line’s delivery and the overall bluntness of the wording. Death isn’t always a topic of humorous discussion, but that doesn’t mean Archie won’t throw his hat in the ring.
“Gonna Take All Of My Thinking And All Of My Consecration”
One of Archie’s most frequently-used skills is his uncanny ability to misconstrue words and terms with a flaming passion and yet still get the idea across perfectly. He will use the completely wrong term or descriptor in his logic and yet believe in his heart of hearts that he is 101% percent right.
“Entertainment’s A Thing Of The Past, Now We Got Television”
At first glance, this is a complete and purposeful joke and jab using Archie’s way of thinking to criticize network TV. It was more than likely directed as a well-written inside joke between the cast and producers, nothing really deeper than that, at least not at first. It’s one of those quotes that simply altered with the passage of time
The phrase brings to mind other quips like “hundreds of channels and nothing to watch” and other criticisms of tv sitcoms and might have been the show’s way of getting away with outright criticizing the medium under the network’s nose. Archie might have been referring to live entertainment, but he might have a few things to say about today’s selection as well.
“Everyone I Like Stays The Hell Away From Me”
There are many occasions in All in the Family where Archie sums up his whole personality in one single sentence, and while it might be the most verbose, this line does say it all. Archie is a curmudgeon through and through, and there are few quotes more perfectly antisocial than this one.
Archie Bunker is not the biggest fan of people in general, race, gender, and social beliefs aside. But it’s his unfiltered dislike of so many things is that makes him a goldmine for comedic one-liners and quotes like this. There’s no denying his abrasiveness didn’t leave an impression.
“God Can Do Anything! He Can Turn Your Jawbone Into An Ass!”
There’s no denying Archie is funny when he’s in a grumpy mood but when religion is thrown into the mix, it’s a whole new ballgame. Once again, Archie’s mincing of terms wins him another golden quote. Like many of his persona, he’ll use his conservative religious beliefs to justify his reasoning. However, sometimes his twisted scriptures end up being absolutely hilarious.
What Archie (and to an extent All in the Family) is doing here isn’t necessarily sacrilegious, it’s just blending together two different scriptures. What he’s trying to reference is the fate of Lot’s wife in Genesis, but ends up quoting a phrase from Judges where Sampson uses a “jawbone of an ass” to smite the Philistines. A bit confusing, but funny nevertheless.
