Once I entered my 20s, I noticed an uncomfortable shift in my friendships.
For the first half of my life, my friends and I were on an even playing field. We were taught the same lessons at school, with the same tests. We attended the same parties on the weekend.
When all of this faded away, and we began to start figuring out our life’s path, mine always seemed clear.
I want to make memories I can pass down to my grandchildren. I want to travel the world. I want to move to London and live in a little dingy flat. I want to stay out until 3am with too many tequila shots and have delusional debriefs with my friends over hash browns and coffee the next morning.
I want a career. I want to work my way up and be known and respected in my field. I definitely never want to rely on a man to determine anything about my life.
And yes, I want a husband and kids, eventually. But in my early 20s, those things feel like they don’t even need to take up space in my mind.
I thought this was normal. I thought this was what everyone wanted at my age.
So when my friends started buying houses, or getting engaged, or… the scariest one, pregnant, I couldn’t even begin to comprehend it.
How could people who grew up so similarly to me want such vastly different things? It felt unbelievable. Reckless, even. I scoffed. They were tossing their lives away. Wasting their youth. Didn’t they know there was an order for things?
I was doing it right. I was doing life in the way it should be done.
Only recently, when I was watching the latest season of Bridgerton, did I get a rude wake-up call.
The youngest of the Bridgerton sisters, Hyacinth, is close to becoming a woman. She yearns for the day that it’s her turn to debut, to find a suitor and ultimately to marry and have a house of her own, just like her older sisters. We see her attempt to sneak into parties and watch with envy as her newly married sister, Francesca, hosts dinners in her own home with her new husband.
Of course, not all of the Bridgerton sisters are married. There is the ‘spinster’ of the house, Eloise.
From the beginning of the series, Eloise has always wanted a different life. She doesn’t want to conform to society, to be paraded around to find a partner, or ‘settle’ in life. For Eloise, life is about books, learning, sciences and travel. Most of her screen time is spent scoffing at her sisters and frankly, judging their life choices.
She can’t comprehend that the life they’re choosing could be one anyone would want.
While watching, I was very aware that, as the audience, we’re supposed to be mad at Eloise for being so self-involved.
But all I could think was, ‘I totally get it.’
Eloise has one sister left who hasn’t yet succumbed to society’s expectations. She desperately tries to push her preference for a worldly life onto her, when really she’s unknowingly driving her further and further away. Eloise is trying to force Hyacinth into a box where she just doesn’t fit.
When Hyacinth comes to Eloise asking to read her a book about ballerinas, or look at her ribbon collection, she immediately brushes it off.
It seems Eloise hopes that if she ignores it, it won’t exist. That she might have a sister who could see life from her perspective.
I empathise with Eloise, because it’s a feeling I know all too well. Trying to convince my friends who hate travelling to travel, or the ones who yearn for a slower, quieter life to strive further in their careers.
The reality is, the tighter I grab on, the looser my grip actually is. And soon enough, there is an Eloise Bridgerton-size wedge driven between us.
In the episode, we can see how Eloise’s judgement deeply affects Hyacinth. She finally snaps, saying she “only cares about herself.” And honestly, seeing it from this point of view really changed things for me.
Maybe in trying to push my friends towards “the right” life, I’m just pushing them towards my life. Not right. Not wrong. Just… mine. Which really is selfish when you think about it.
Believing my way is the only way could actually be doing more harm than good, and ultimately says that I don’t have respect for the choices of people who don’t follow the same path as me.
What Bridgerton is trying to push underneath this little sister spat, is that everyone’s dreams are different, but it doesn’t make them any less valid.
These days, we have a beautiful thing that the Bridgerton sisters aren’t afforded much of. Choice. It’s entirely up to us.
Whether we marry, see the world, have babies, buy houses, stay out late or go home early. None of them are the right answer. But no dream is more important than the other and, at the end of the day, all we can ask for is support, encouragement and respect in whatever we choose to do.
That, I now realise, is the ultimate goal.
