Marie Barone, one of the most iconic characters in Everybody Loves Raymond, is responsible for these 10 most memorable quotes in the sitcom.
The sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond is a character-driven show filled with incredibly memorable and over the top characters. The Barone family at the center of the series feature some of the most hilarious and bizarre characters in sitcom history, but few of them are as iconic as Doris Roberts’ matriarch, Marie Barone.
Marie is a true enigma of a character. She is both a good mother and a terrible mother, a judgmental mother-in-law and a loving grandmother, an incredible cook and an underappreciated wife. She is at times the series’ villain and its unexpected hero. But through it all, she is also one of the series’ most consistently hilarious and snarky characters.
“Debra, are you cooking something? Because… there’s an aroma.”
Doris Roberts as Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie and Debra never really get along over the course of the entire series. While it leads to stressful moments for both of them, it also provides the series with some of its most hilarious lines, especially when it comes to snarky judgments from Marie aimed at her daughter-in-law.
The classic episode “Baggage” finds Ray and Debra at war regarding a long-ignored suitcase left on the stairs. In an attempt to convince Debra to put the suitcase away, Raymond puts a block of cheese in the bag, which soon goes bad. Marie is the first to notice the stench – but rather than investigating its origin, she believes she knows the source: Debra’s disgusting cooking.
“You found a recipe! Oh, you’re a cook now!”
Doris Roberts as Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra’s lack of cooking skills is perhaps the greatest source of Marie’s ire and judgment. As an incredible chef and proud Italian mother, Marie is always harsh and judgmental toward Debra’s culinary attempts, even on the rare occasion when they turn out well.
During Debra’s adventures with cooking bracciole (a dish that actually turns out delicious), Marie is beside herself with anger and jealousy. She’s also quick to look down her nose at Debra’s efforts, snidely deriding her decision to cook based on a recipe.
“It’s very clear now that you’ll go to any girl with a pot.”
Doris Roberts as Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie’s anger over Debra’s ability to produce bracciole is revealed to have a deeply personal origin. As Marie tells it, bracciole was the meal she made for Frank that led to him asking her to marry him in their younger days.
The episode thus finds Marie’s anger not only directed at Debra, but at Frank, too. Frank and Marie’s marriage is always a contentious one, as the two fight even more frequently than they ever get along. After hearing Frank’s rave reviews for Debra’s bracciole, Marie levels him with the scathing accusation that his love of her cooking never meant anything, since, as she tells him, “It’s very clear now that you’ll go to any girl with a pot.”
“I am not interested in a relationship of artificial pleasantries and phony smiles. You never, ever have to pretend with me. I’m always honest with you, aren’t I?”
Doris Roberts as Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond
On one occasion, Debra makes the well-intentioned, but ultimately foolish attempt to try and get along with Marie and not allow her many criticisms to get to her. But Marie quickly sees through her feigned niceness, and has plenty of words of her own.
After enduring a day of cooking together with Marie, Debra is at her wit’s end, and Marie can tell. “I am not interested in a relationship of artificial pleasantries and phony smiles. You never, ever have to pretend with me. I’m always honest with you, aren’t I?” Marie points out, displaying her absolutely in character mix of total lack of self-awareness and cheerful judgment.
“If I see something that you desperately need help with, like cooking, cleaning, the children, your hair… I care so much that I have to say something, because I want to help.”
Doris Roberts as Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond
As should be clear by now, Marie’s character is defined in many ways by her antagonizing relationship with her daughter-in-law, Debra. Though she claims to always have the best intentions in mind when she tries to help Debra out, it’s also clear that she doesn’t care for the woman who married her beloved Raymond.
So when Marie tells Debra this particular quote, the attempted compliments and veiled insults go absolutely hand in hand: “If I see something that you desperately need help with, like cooking, cleaning, the children, your hair… I care so much that I have to say something, because I want to help.” Every failing on Debra’s part is an area where Marie believes she excels, and she’s more than willing to make that clear every chance she gets.
“Enjoy your crumbs.”
Doris Roberts as Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie and Frank often argue with one another over the dumbest things, and in this particular moment, that’s entirely the case. While meeting Amy’s family for the first time for a Sunday brunch, Frank and Marie get in a fight when Frank is impatient and wants to eat a muffin.
He shoves the muffin childishly into his pocket in an attempt to win their argument, but Marie is undeterred, roughly smashing his pocket over and over again to destroy the muffin. “Enjoy your crumbs,” she taunts him, proving that she’s won the argument once and for all.
“Oh my God, I’m a lesbian.”
Doris Roberts as Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond
In one of the series’ weirdest episodes, Marie inexplicably takes up sculpting and, even more inexplicably, produces a larger than life statue that turns a lot of heads. In true Marie fashion, she wants to give the statue to her beloved Raymond, but Ray and Debra want absolutely nothing to do with the oddly obscene gift.
It takes almost the entire episode for Marie to realize what exactly it is that people find so objectionable about the piece. But when she does, Marie reacts in a truly memorable moment, proclaiming in shock, “Oh my God, I’m a lesbian.”
“I’m not just some trophy wife.”
Doris Roberts as Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank is a clear example of a sitcom husband who takes his wife for granted in virtually every way. She slaves over him and their home every moment of the day, cooking and cleaning and virtually never being thanked or shown any sign of gratitude.
In the episode “The Toaster,” as the two of them engage in an argument at the department store after Christmas, all of that pent up tension comes to the surface. “I’m not just some trophy wife,” she points out after decades of taking Frank’s selfish behavior – to which Frank only merely further insults her, wondering “What contest in Hell did I win?”
“That’s what parents do: they all lie to their kids for their own good.”
Doris Roberts as Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank and Marie Barone are not just a bizarre married couple; they’re also incredibly questionable parents, too. Frank is emotionally withdrawn and verbally abusive at most times, and Marie – depending on which child she’s dealing with – is either overbearing and spoiling or totally neglectful and insulting.
But as far as Marie is concerned, there’s one thing that she – and all other parents – excel at: lying to their children. “That’s what parents do: they all lie to their kids for their own good,” she tells Raymond, who is unable to believe that there aren’t parents who genuinely believe in their children.
“I can’t talk! There’s too much fruit in the house!”
Doris Roberts as Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond
It’s rare that a series gets off the ground running from its very first episode. Characters are often loosely defined in pilot episodes, and require a lot more development over the course of the first season. But in the world of Everybody Loves Raymond, the pilot episode produces some of the most defined characters in all of sitcom history – including Marie herself.
Ray gives Marie a birthday gift of a subscription to the Fruit of the Month club – a gesture he thought Marie would appreciate, but one she does anything but appreciate. Appalled by the mere notion of having so much fruit in the house, Marie descends into hysteria, fleeing from the room while yelling, “I can’t talk! There’s too much fruit in the house!”
