We’re two weeks into The Golden Bachelor, and Mel Owens’ podcast comments continue to be a hot topic. During last week’s season premiere, Mel apologized to the women for saying he didn’t want to date anyone over 60, and this week, the 66-year-old football player-turned-sports-lawyer watched as 12 sexy senior women took shots at him during a comedy roast group date.
Entertainment Weekly was on set for the Golden Bachelor roast date, which filmed this summer at the Bellwether Theater in Los Angeles and was hosted by comedian/Bachelor superfan Jared Freid. Episodes of The Golden Bachelor are only 60 minutes long, so many of the jokes had to be cut for time. (Case in point: During his introduction, Freid told Mel, a former Los Angeles Rams linebacker, “You put the CTE in ‘cute.'”)
Never fear, rose lovers — EW has a full report of the best Golden Bachelor roast burns, including six moments you didn’t see on TV.
Monica B. kicked off the night by teasing the Golden Bachelor about his podcast faux pas. “Mel, you’re like a classic car. You’re strong, you’re sexy, and you don’t go over 60,” purred the 62-year-old flight attendant. “And yeah, we heard what you said on that podcast. But don’t worry — we know you’ve never been great at recovering a fumble.” Monica P. concluded her set by making sure her Golden rivals could find the nearest exit. “Ladies, I love you all. But as a flight attendant, let me help you out with the exits. There, there, and there,” she announced, doing the classic two-finger point. “So, prepare for an early departure.”
Cheryl, a 66-year-old motocross enthusiast, also took aim at Mel’s senior citizen status. “You look like you’re about two minutes away from, like, a scooter in the airport, man,” she told him. “It makes sense that you’re from Detroit, because you remind me of a Detroit-style pizza — crusty, cheesy, and square.” The crowd ate it up. (Sorry.)
Robin’s roast was a twofer, taking aim at Mel’s raspy voice and his infamous podcast comments: “Mel, you always have something, like, always in your throat. I don’t know, is it maybe that you put your foot in your mouth too much?”
What you didn’t see: Earlier in the set, the 63-year-old vineyard owner poked fun at the Golden Bachelor’s lack of sophistication. “I decided that a fantastic first date with Mel would be a wine-tasting with my wine,” she said. “It was a big shift for Mel, because he had never seen wine come out of anything but a box.”
Terri, a 71-year-old cosmetic dentist, roasted Mel through her puppet, a sassy lady named Carly. On the topic of Mel’s puffy white sneakers, Carly quipped, “I’ve got better shoes than you and I don’t even walk!”
What you didn’t see: Carly may be a puppet, but she’s not afraid to work a little blue. At one point she mocked Mel’s gray hair, saying, “The carpet matches the drapes — and they’re dusty antiques!” After her set, comedian and Golden Bachelor roastmaster Jared Freid asked Mel what he thought of Carly’s performance. “She had the puppet when she came out of the limousine,” noted Mel. “She made me kiss it, so we have a good relationship.” Freid shot back, “Mel’s always looking for threesomes. This guy won’t stop!”
So far we haven’t seen much of Roxanne, a 62-year-old longevity nurse, but one of her jokes made the cut: “Mel, you have the body of a stallion, but the speed of a sloth.”
What you didn’t see: Roxanne’s roast was actually part of a longer story about her first one-on-one chat with the Golden Bachelor. “We’re walking down this nice path and we’re heading toward a bench,” she recalled. “I noticed that it took twice as long to get to the bench than our conversation lasted. I also noticed that when he took my hand, he was actually using it as a cane, and it seemed like he was hanging on for dear life.” She concluded with the longer, slightly racier version of the joke viewers heard: “Mel, you have the body of a stallion, but the speed of a sloth. Slow and cautious. And if that’s indication of how you are in other settings, you might not be able to keep up with me.”
Amy had laryngitis, but she gave a rambling, all-improvised speech that covered everything from her swollen feet to her brisket-making skills.
What you didn’t see: The 63-year-old momager talked non-stop for almost six minutes, but only managed one Mel roast. “Mel thinks he’s getting a 45-year-old,” she squawked. “Isn’t that f—ing funny?” At about the five-minute mark, she called across the room to ask, “Mel, do you wear hearing aids?” Before the Golden Bachelor could answer, Freid jumped in: “If he did, he turned them off already!”
Nicolle ended up winning the night with her act, which included her impression of Mel reading a poem: “Roses are red/ violets are blue/ I want all the women to love me/ but especially you… and you… and you… But can I check your IDs first?”
What you didn’t see: The 64-year-old yoga instructor rounded out her set with an impression of Mel at the rose ceremony, complete with an imitation of his slow, shuffling walk to the podium. “You ladies look stunning,” mimicked Nicolle, giving her voice a deep, Mel-like rasp. “Every one of you is beautiful. Every one of you is a prize — but a consolation prize because you’re all over 50.”
Carol didn’t have her glasses — but she still managed to hit Mel where it hurts. “So I heard on the podcast that Mel likes to date 40 to 60-year-olds. That’s the first thing we have in common!” she joked. “He was looking for a younger woman, and we were looking for a rich quarterback.”
What you didn’t see: The 63-year-old — who works as the family manager for her nephew, Los Angeles Dodgers first baseman Freddie Freeman — informed Mel that she has special “skills” that would make her a good mate. “You’re the oldest guy I’ve ever dated, to tell you the truth. Wanna hear what [my skills] are? I can change a diaper. And I can lift you out of the bathtub.”
The Golden Bachelor airs Wednesday at 8 p.m. on ABC.
