The 65-year-old fitness instructor shares her unfiltered thoughts with Glamour and whether or not she’d be up for The Golden Bachelorette.
Debbie Siebers made an impression on The Golden Bachelor right from the start. The 65-year-old exercise instructor and fitness personality didn’t rely on gimmicks to get Mel Owen’s attention. Instead, it was a simple admission that she had never been married that made her the one to watch. (Warning: Spoilers ahead.)
It’s safe to say that Bachelor Nation wanted Siebers to get her happy ending, but the bigger win was that she was confident enough to be open about something that is often stigmatized as women get older. She’s beautiful, talented, smart, nurturing, and fun. Period. End of story. Whether or not she’s a mother or a wife is beside the point. And yet, even though not having children is becoming more widely accepted and understood in our society, there’s something about a woman who has never been married that still confuses and scares people. “Obviously there’s something wrong with her.” “Maybe she’s crazy.” “She’s probably too picky.”
Siebers has heard them all and then some. And if it were up to her, she would have been married by now. But life often has other plans. During Siebers’s hometown date with Mel Owens in Denver, she revealed that the man she was deeply in love with in her 40s and early 50s had been struggling emotionally; a few weeks after she finally had the courage to give herself space from the situation, he died by suicide. And so, over the course of the past decade-plus, she was learning to be whole again. (Plus, as anyone who’s ever been single knows, dating is kinda awful.)
Siebers eventually moved to Denver to start her life over and be close to her sister, but finding that lasting romantic love has been evasive. “I did all the work to heal, and I am proud of myself I came out the other end,” she says. “I also started my own company through all of that and put all my attention into developing these workouts to help others. It gave me some fulfillment, but I was still lonely.”
Enter The Golden Bachelor, and an attempt to find love with Owens. Siebers was a front-runner from the start and had chemistry with the former NFL player, but for reasons that are still a bit unclear, he sent her home after visiting her hometown and meeting her family. Now, with two women left (Peg from Las Vegas and Cindy from Austin), Siebers is reflecting on what happened, if she’d be up for being the Golden Bachelorette, and what she wants both married and unmarried people to know.
Glamour: I have to say, I was shocked that Mel sent you home. I didn’t see it coming.
Debbie Siebers: Yeah, I was kind of shocked as well because I was on such a high after the hometown date. He fit in with my family just like I knew he would, and we had such a natural connection. So it was going from this extreme high and feeling confident to being sent home at the rose ceremony. I think my body went into shock. I was very upset.
Completely understandable. How are you doing now, and how have you been coping?
When I got back to Denver, it took me a good couple of weeks at least…and thank goodness they offered us [therapists]. I was able to get those feelings out. It was really interesting, because initially you’re trying to navigate and process so much, but also adjusting from being in the mansion with all the women and all the activity. And then I’m coming back to my one-bedroom apartment by myself. I don’t even have my dog anymore because I had to put him down after 16 years. It was really tough, and I had all these flashbacks and these crazy dreams. And I missed the women.
I was trying to figure out what went wrong, and I kept thinking it was because I had never been married. I thought, Well, maybe it was the conversation I had with him at Red Rocks because it was a lot to take in [about my ex]. I was pretty upset that I actually shared that with him because I felt his energy shift after that, when he met my family. But I’m okay now. I have complete clarity.
I’m still waiting for an answer about why he didn’t choose you. Mel’s not a man of many words.
No, he certainly is not.
I don’t know what he’s looking for. Do you?
I’m not sure he does, but now that time has passed and I’ve watched more episodes and seen his other one-on-one dates, I do have more clarity that he wasn’t the right person for me. I think that he sent me home because he had a stronger connection with these other women, and I completely get it because they’re amazing. But did I think it was going to be Cindy and I in the end? Yes.
You said you got clarity watching some of the episodes back. What kind of clarity did you get about why you weren’t the right one for him?
At the tailgate party, Mel let me know that he watches sports 24/7, and his sons live with him, and his whole life kind of revolved around sports. And although I love the Green Bay Packers and love the Broncos, do I watch sports? No. I said, “That doesn’t bother me, and I have my own interests too.” I would enjoy [watching football with him] because I had four older brothers that loved football, but I felt like that was a real sticking point for him. He even asked my best friend at my hometown date if I like football. Peg and Cindy both love sports. I think Peg has NFL season tickets, and Cindy is always going to the game. So in that regard, they’re a better fit.
Also, Peg is just very lighthearted and fun. She wasn’t so emotional and wasn’t telling him that she was falling for him. Being where he’s at in his life, I think that sat better for him than wanting to have a deeper intimate relationship, maybe. Cindy is kind of like me, where we really wear our heart on our sleeve. We’re just very emotional and express ourselves. I think she fell even harder than I did, for sure. It all works out the way it’s supposed to work out.
You deserve someone who’s going to go deep with you.
I want that because I have so many layers, and I’ve been through so much in my life. I want somebody that chooses me and is super romantic and super vulnerable. It was hard to pull things out of him, so it was hard to really gauge. Honestly, that’s why I felt so cheated I didn’t have the overnight date because I thought, Well, maybe then I could have had those conversations.
You’ve mentioned having never been married, and you’re right, there is often a stigma attached to it. I’m in my 40s and feel it all the time. People wonder what’s wrong with you, especially if you want to get married.
Exactly.
How do you respond to people who constantly ask you why?
It’s so frustrating, and it’s one thing that almost stopped me from going on the show. I said to the producer in one of the first interviews, “Look, I think women like me need to be represented on the show,” because nobody knows my backstory, and nobody knows what someone has been through. It certainly hasn’t been from a lack of desire. I mean, I was the first one to have a boyfriend very early on. I always was in a relationship. I’ve also been engaged a couple times. I’ve lived with different men. But I had severe trust issues I had to overcome. It took me a long time. By the time I finally worked through that, yes, my career hit, but that was also when I had my most substantial relationship of five years.
So what’s your message to people who bombard you with questions?
I would just say to those people that it’s not fair to rush to judgment. You don’t know what someone has been through. What if there’s been abuse? What if there’s been betrayal? What if there’s a medical reason? We don’t know. And honestly, it’s so frustrating because even my family, God bless them, my dad would always just say, “Just pick somebody, Debbie.”
Oh no.
It drove me crazy because he’s the source of a lot of the pain that I’ve had to overcome, and the betrayals and things. Everybody is an individual, and I do think being single or never married is being more and more accepted than it used to be. I mean, certainly I got all the questions, like, “Is she a lesbian?” Seriously, it’s so crazy.
I’ve been so lonely for so long, and I’m just tired of it. So when I saw The Golden Bachelor, I thought, Gosh, how sweet, and it gave me hope. I thought, I’ve always been a risk-taker. So why not? I tried everything else.
Speaking of taking risks and putting yourself out there, if you were asked to be the Golden Bachelorette, would you say yes in a heartbeat?
I would say yes because even though I know how hard it would be, there’s just this feeling that this is my time. I have given so much, and I’ve been through so much, and I am ready for love. Mel kick-started my heart again. I feel confident again. I feel beautiful again. I feel I am worthy, I am deserving, and I want to find my partner. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life living life alone. So yeah, I would say yes. It’s all still surreal that I’m even sitting here, and that this is even happening. Because, wow, did I take a big risk, and did I put myself out there in a big way!
That’s why I’m glad you were as open as you were with Mel about your last relationship. If you had kept that private and then he still sent you home, you would’ve wondered, Should I have opened up more?
Yeah, because I was really resentful after the fact…I thought that was why I went home.
I believe what is meant for you will find you, even if it takes too damn long.
I believe that too. I’m just so tired of sleeping alone and eating alone, but I also dog-sit anytime I can and walk dogs too. And that makes me happy.
You find the little things that bring happiness.
Thank you. I am.
Programming note: The Golden Bachelor: The Women Tell All, airs Wednesday, October 29, on ABC, and streams the next day on Hulu.
