It’s been three decades since The Golden Girls aired. There are some shows that are timeless, and the stellar writing and lovable, relatable characters are why fans still love The Golden Girls. Each of the leading ladies had their own personality quirks and unique traits, and Dorothy was the grounded one who kept it real, and she always had a clever, sometimes cruel, and usually funny way of speaking for the audience.
All of the characters had their moments when they said what the fans were thinking, but Dorothy had the most scathing wit. Bea Arthur played similar characters before, like the daring and unapologetic Maude who was the outspoken liberal answer to Archie Bunker from All In The Family. Dorothy Zbornak had a similar way of speaking her mind, and that’s when viewers loved her the most, when she said what everyone was thinking.
“Blanche, the parking lot doesn’t count.” (Episode 214)
All of the characters seemed to take turns making jokes about Blanche and her social life, but nobody was as brutally honest about it as Dorothy. In the episode “The Actor,” the three main characters are vying for the attention of the same man.
While discussing who’s going to take him on a tour of the theater that’s hosting his current production, Blanche suggests it be her, since she’s spent the most time there. Dorothy’s snide reply not only pushes her rival aside but reveals the true nature of Blanche’s time there.
“On the floor, like any dog.” (Episode 317)
Stan took a lot of verbal abuse from Dorothy, and it was genuinely fun to watch because he so deserved it. In the episode “My Brother, My Father”, Dorothy’s uncle comes to visit, and he’s a Catholic priest.
Sophia doesn’t want to offend her brother, so she asks Dorothy and Stan to pretend they’re still married. As part of the ruse, the couple has to share a room, and Stan insists that Dorothy let him sleep in the bed. He argues that there’s nowhere else for him to sleep, and in reply, she makes this suggestion.
“Four grown women decide to live with a pig and he’s the one with the…problem?” (Episode 303)
Money makes people do strange things, which is part of the meaning behind this moment in the episode “Bringing Up Baby” when Dorothy is thinking out loud. The baby in question is actually a 29-year-old pig that Rose inherited from her uncle, and if they keep him until he dies, they inherit a whole lot of money, which is why Blanche caves and lets the pig stay in the first place.
As if keeping a pig in a house in Miami isn’t awkward enough, Rose eventually has to explain to her friends that Baby might be suffering from some mental anguish, being in a strange place. Dorothy brings the rather silly premise of the show back to earth by pointing out this uncomfortable fact.
“You’ve been reading Treasure Island again, Rose.” (Episode 203)
We love Rose, and so does Dorothy, but wow. This clever summation followed one of Rose’s more entertaining tirades about pirates and related sea-shanty jargon, which was prompted by the news Dorothy’s boyfriend has to leave town because of his career as a sailor.
In this case, the audience might be confused by where Rose came from with this or where she’s going with it, but Dorothy clears it up for the audience. Of course, Treasure Island is also a book that fans can picture on Rose’s shelf.
“I work in the public school system. It’s not that different from this.” (Episode 202)
In an episode that might have a harrowing premise but it was funny on the small screen, “Ladies of the Evening” follows our heroes when they end up in prison after being mistaken for ‘Ladies of the Evening.’
While waiting in the cell for Sophia to bail them out, who has a few interesting lines in this episode herself, Dorothy comes up with a clever bluff to convince their fellow cellmates to leave them alone. Blanche asks how she knew how to do that, and Sophia explains with this bit of stark honesty.
“Let me spell it out for you. Go to hell.” (Episode 315)
Blanche and Rose get a turn to take down Dorothy this time when their down-to-earth roommate has a bout of temporary insanity and latches onto the snooty author, Barbara Thorndyke.
After some questionable comments and generally rude behavior, it takes a shocking admission of racism from Barbara until Dorothy sees the light, but when she does, her words match her searing realization. The bad friend is expelled and Dorothy returns to her real friends.
“I don’t care if you have a pulse, much less a nice day.” (Golden Palace, Episode 107)
It happens often that one thinks something but they can’t say it. Dorothy doesn’t really have that problem, as she reveals in this episode of Golden Palace. In this spinoff series, Dorothy was a recurring character but not part of the regular cast. When she did appear, however, she always made an impression.
In this scene, she not only speaks for every person who was ever worked in the hospitality industry but also anyone who had to be nice to someone who was being nasty to them, be it family, a houseguest, or a rude customer.
“Not everything, Jeremy.” (Episode 314)
It’s hard to tell a friend that they’re with someone that’s wrong for them, so this quick jab is Dorothy’s indirect way of getting a message to Blanche’s daughter, Rebecca. Her fiance, Jeremy, is an insensitive creep who is constantly taking jabs at Rebecca for various reasons but mostly at her weight.
Sophia is also surprisingly mean about this, so it’s safe to say that some lines in this script haven’t aged well. However, this is not one of them. After Jeremy makes a comment about “Rebbecca being the biggest everything,” Dorothy retorts with this biting line, and the audience was thinking the exact same thing.
“In what, Blanche? Dog years?” (Episode 109)
Blanche is dating a younger man, but how much younger is a mystery. In fact, Blanche’s real age was one of the show’s best running jokes, but that’s a detail for another list. She partly gives it away in the episode “Blanche and The Younger Man” when she tells Dorothy that her young boyfriend, Dirk, is nearly five years younger than she is.
This already has the audience laughing, as the age difference is clearly much larger than that. Dorothy then channels the inner thoughts of the audience perfectly with this sarcastic but accurate comment.
“The sl*t is dead, long live the sl*t.” (Episode 713)
It’s time to give Rose a little credit for a change, and here Dorothy is happy to do so, but in her usual biting way. In the episode “Old Boyfriends” fans find out that Rose isn’t exactly the naive innocent that we were led to believe.
In fact, her teenage escapades might even outshine those of Blanche, who’s character is actually known for that sort of thing. Dorothy sums up how the audience must be feeling towards this weird pivot with her own version of this old expression.
