How long does it take to get in to Diddly Squat Farm Shop? We found out
“It can’t be too bad at this time, I reckon we’ll be near the front.”
Those were my famous last words as I drove up to Diddly Squat Farm Shop on a Saturday morning before it opened.
In my head, I thought we’d not be waiting too long to see exactly what Jeremy Clarkson’s team had for sale in the heart of his 1,000-acre Cotswolds farm.
The outcome was slightly different. And by slightly, I mean significantly.
Rows and rows of cars already parked up. A long line of people queuing around the farm shop and edge of the car park as if some human version of Snake had been ordered to be carried out by Jezza.
My wife, son and I took the trip to Diddly Squat almost a month to the day since season three of Clarkson’s Farm was released on Amazon Prime Video.
An instant hit, millions tuned in to watch the third outing of the educational and funny documentary that follows Clarkson as he swaps super cars and the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire hot seat for tractors and combine harvesters.
First released in the Covid lockdown, it became an instant hit across the UK and beyond with the two following seasons just adding to the hype around the show that introduced us to Clarkson’s small but loyal team of Kaleb Cooper, Lisa Hogan, Gerald Cooper, and Charlie Ireland.
For weeks, the Diddly Squat social media feeds have been putting out posts about how busy the farm shop has been, with the car park reportedly full by mid mornings and stock pretty much gone come early afternoon.
With my family and I enjoying a weekend away in the Cotswolds – some three hours from where we call home – we had to journey to the farm just outside the market town of Chipping Norton.
Having driven down on the Friday, we had an early night and got ready on Saturday morning for the short trip over to the farm shop. Leaving before 9am with the place opening its doors at 9.30am, we thought we’d arrive in plenty of time.
But as we mentioned above, the queues were big.
The third season of Clarkson’s Farm shows Clarkson and his team building a large car park to help cope with demand. Well, we ended up on an extension to that, quite a bit further back from the farm itself.
“Are we actually going to do this?” my wife asks.
One thousand percent.
The queue snaked around the car park edge and towards the shop, with it not giving much indication of how long it might take. That was until we came across a traffic cone with a ‘one hour 30 minute wait’ sign on it. Sigh.
Well, it was actually longer than that, with it taking roughly two hours to get inside. I was genuinely shocked looking at my phone to check how long it had been.
Everyone who brought their dogs to the farm on the same morning, a big thank you for keeping my three-year-old boy entertained – between that and the promise of a Diddly Squat milkshake, he was a superstar.
To be honest, though, I’d liken it to waiting for the best roller coaster at Alton Towers. You know the end goal is only brief but it’s worthwhile for reasons that matter more than waiting time. You’re in a queue with people who are there for the same reason – in this case everyone loves the show – and the vibe was really chill. It’s an experience, of sorts, full of small talk with whoever you’ve turned up with.
OK, so what’s it like inside? Well it’s tiny. We’re talking really, really small.
On your left as you walk in is a fridge with some rather nice looking pastries, followed by a fridge of individual Hawkstone beers and cider, Clarkson’s own wine – called Le Pop – as well as locally produced milkshakes.
There were dozens of crates of lager and cider, as well as a middle table full with breads and croissants. Side wall shelving had the likes of chutneys, oils, bee juice, jams and bee juice bites, all made from produce from Diddly Squat Farm. There was also Cow Juice bottles costing more than £6, which felt a bit steep for a glorified milk bottle. But did I buy one? Of course I did.
The prices were a bit startling but to be honest, anyone who has ever been to a farm shop before can’t really be left too surprised.
Just under a fiver for locally produced jam isn’t out of place at any farm shop in the UK; the fact Clarkson doesn’t add a premium on top of this is in many ways commendable.
Would I do it again? Probably not. I’d wait for the season three craze to die down a little and head over when it’s a shorter wait. But I’d definitely buy again and might already be eyeing up the crates of Hawkstone Lager as Christmas presents. I just hope my dad’s not reading this.
