If Every Episode of Tracker Had Honest Titles, They Would Look Like This

We love Tracker. We love Colter Shaw. We love his truck, his trauma, and his ability to find a missing person faster than most people find their TV remote.

But let’s face it: the actual episode titles?
A little too vague. A little too serious.
So we decided to fix that.

Here’s what Tracker episodes would look like if the titles actually told the truth:

Episode 1:

“Man With Backpack Fixes Entire Town’s Problems Using Only a Leaf and Regret”

He just got here. The town has secrets. And Colter’s already knee-deep in everyone’s emotional mess. We’re off to a perfect start.

Episode 2:

“Local Authorities Are Confused So Let’s Bring in the Brooding Guy With a Map”

Because nothing says “law enforcement failure” like a freelance tracker being your best hope at finding someone.

Episode 3:

“Colter Hears One Lie and Immediately Solves a 10-Year Mystery”

Normal people: “That’s strange.”
Colter: Zooms in on muddy boot print and reveals a full family conspiracy.

Episode 4:

“He Slept in His Truck Again and Still Looks Better Than You After 8 Hours of Rest”

Let’s talk about it. No pillow. No skincare. Just… glow.

Episode 5:

“A Flashback, a Chase Scene, and a Random Monologue About Pain”

Colter Shaw is basically a sad poetry generator with a GPS.

Episode 6:

“The Case Is Wild, But Somehow the Real Drama Is in Colter’s Eyebrows”

The way they raise when someone lies? Academy Award-worthy.

Episode 7:

“The Real Missing Person Was Trust”

Colter finds your daughter, your uncle, and your emotional dysfunction—all in one episode. Efficiency.

Episode 8:

“Colter Stares at a Broken Branch and Suddenly Understands Your Childhood Trauma”

We don’t ask how. We just accept it. The man is basically nature’s therapist.

Episode 9:

“Small Town, Big Secrets, and the Guy With the Truck Who Knows Everything Now”

You blink and he’s cracked a murder case from 1982 using a milk carton and gut instinct.

Episode 10:

“Nothing’s Fine But the Flannel’s Still On Point”

Colter might be emotionally spiraling, but that jacket? Flawless.

Bonus: Upcoming Season Finale Title We’d Like to See:

“He Finally Opens Up… Or Just Stares Into the Distance Again”

Will Colter ever confront his past?
Will he cry?
Will he use words longer than 5 syllables to describe feelings?

Tune in to find out. (But probably not.)

Final Thoughts

CBS may give the episodes serious names, but deep down we all know what’s really going on:

• Someone’s missing.

• Someone’s lying.

• And Colter Shaw is about to emotionally dismantle an entire zip code with quiet intensity and forest-based wisdom.

And we love him for it.

📺 Tracker airs Sundays on CBS. Stream on Paramount+. Or stare into the distance dramatically until the next episode drops.