We adore the cast of Tracker. The action! The mystery! The flannel!
But let’s be honest…
These people are one lost dog away from a full-blown emotional breakdown.
So we’ve put on our imaginary therapist hat and created this absolutely scientific, 100% accurate ranking of Tracker characters based on how badly they need therapy—immediately.
Let’s begin the healing journey.
1. Colter Shaw
Therapy Urgency Level: RED ALERT 🚨
America’s favorite nomadic emotional support cowboy. Colter can track someone across three states using a broken twig but cannot, under any circumstance, talk about his feelings.
He:
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Sleeps in a truck ✔
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Speaks in cryptic metaphors ✔
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Flashes back mid-conversation ✔
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Has unresolved family trauma the size of Texas ✔✔✔
Colter, buddy. We love you. But it’s time.
Find a therapist. One with wilderness experience.
2. Colter’s Dad (R.I.P. but still…)
Therapy Urgency Level: Off the Charts 🧨
Okay yes, he’s dead. But flashbacks tell us everything we need to know:
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Paranoid survivalist.
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Taught his kids codebreaking before teaching them to ride a bike.
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Trusted no one, loved almost nothing, and probably considered affection a weakness.
Honestly, the entire Shaw Family Tree is made of repressed feelings and bark.
3. Every Single Person Colter Helps
Therapy Urgency Level: Weekly appointments & group hugs
Look. If you’ve been found by Colter Shaw, you probably:
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Were kidnapped.
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Lied to by everyone you love.
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Just discovered your stepdad is secretly a fugitive.
These people don’t need just closure. They need a wellness retreat, three therapists, and some calming chamomile tea.
4. The Truck
Therapy Urgency Level: Emotional exhaustion
That poor vehicle has:
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Witnessed every breakdown.
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Held every clue.
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Served as bedroom, confession booth, crime board, and emotional vacuum.
It deserves rest. Possibly a nice countryside retirement. Maybe aromatherapy.
5. Colter’s Siblings
Therapy Urgency Level: High (offscreen, but we know…)
We haven’t seen them much, but if they grew up under the same roof, there’s no way they’re emotionally stable. These people probably solve crossword puzzles with trauma metaphors and call that bonding.
6. The Viewers (Yes, Us)
Therapy Urgency Level: Moderate
Because we keep watching Colter refuse help, fix everyone else, and drive off into another emotionally unwell sunset — and we call it entertainment.
We’ve grown attached. Too attached.
And we’ve all asked ourselves at least once:
“Why do I want this sad, flannel-wearing man to find peace so badly?”
Honorable Mention: The Pine Trees
They’ve heard every monologue. They deserve hazard pay.
Tracker may be a show about finding missing people…
But sometimes, the most lost person of all is the one doing the tracking. 😢
Let’s manifest therapy for all in Season 2.
📺 Watch Tracker Sundays on CBS or stream on Paramount+. Side effects may include: emotional investment, flannel envy, and the sudden desire to solve your friends’ problems using twigs and intuition.
