Warning: May cause you to buy a compass and emotionally distance yourself from everyone you love.
We all love Colter Shaw.
The flannel. The truck. The way he can solve a kidnapping using only a squirrel footprint and an unspoken childhood wound.
But what if…
You are Colter Shaw?
Here are 7 dead giveaways that you’re not just watching Tracker —
You’re living it.
1. You Sleep Better in a Truck Than in a Bed
Hotels? Too soft.
Your mattress? Too warm.
The backseat of your pickup in a remote canyon? Perfect.
Bonus: You once made a pillow out of rolled-up jeans and regret.
2. Your Life Philosophy Is “I Don’t Stay in One Place Too Long”
Because why deal with emotions when you can just… drive away from them?
Someone texts, “Can we talk?”
You respond with a new zip code.
3. You Treat a Broken Stick Like It’s a Lie Detector
Regular people: “Oh no, a stick broke.”
You: squints intensely
“They ran. Westbound. Recently left-handed. Definitely hiding a secret.”
4. You’re the Therapist in Every Friend Group But Refuse to Go to Therapy Yourself
You’ve helped at least five people reconcile with their parents this year.
Meanwhile, your own voicemail still says: “Don’t leave a message. I won’t answer.”
5. You’ve Said “I Work Alone” Unironically
You don’t dislike people.
You just prefer solving trauma in silence, while dramatically walking through fog.
6. Your Idea of a Relaxing Weekend Is Tracking a Fugitive in the Rain
Beach trip? Too loud.
Brunch? Too many feelings.
Camping with a crime to solve? Ideal.
7. Your Compass Has a Name
And you trust it more than any human being.
Final Diagnosis:
If you said “ouch” instead of laughing at any of these…
Congratulations.
You might be Colter Shaw with a phone plan.
📺 Watch Tracker, Sundays on CBS. Warning: May cause sudden desire to live in your vehicle and confront strangers’ emotional trauma with zero warning.
